Light the Fuse
Light the fuse and run away,
Nothing can amuse quite that way.
Count to three; there it goes!
I sure love to see stuff explode.
Fire Works, But I Rarely Do
I'd rather shoot off bottle rockets,
Then shoot at bad guys.
All that running makes me tired,
I'm not used to exercise.
I'll write a ticket (if I have to),
Stop a jaywalker in his tracks,
Of course, that'll mean paperwork,
Miles and piles of horrid stacks.
Maybe loitering isn't so bad,
Maybe I'll look the other way,
Why make such a fuss?
Why should I ruin somebody's day?
It's more important, I should think,
To save my strength for bigger crime,
Fire works, but I rarely do.
Oh, look at the clock! It's nap time.
I Ate at Mabel's
and Lived to Tell About it
As a public servant
I must patronize
The many businesses
Our town provides.
It's one of my
'portant jobs as mayor.
But eating at Mabel's
takes more than just prayer.
I love her dearly,
the sour-pussed grump,
but drinking her coffee,
puts me in a slump.
And yet, I have
a duty to do;
so I ate some of
her sticky brown stew.
I tasted her eggs,
and choked down a burger;
With grim concentration,
I didn't regerger.
Doc says I'll be fine
in a day or a month.
If only I could eat there
without fainting - just oneth.
Oh, well, I think,
it might've been worse.
Instead of Pepto,
could'a been a hearse.
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Ode to My Police Cruiser
My '49 Buick with its "cherry" on top,
Once it starts, it's hard to stop.
I s'pose I should go and fix the brakes,
A short phone call to Gus is all it takes.
While he's at it he could fix the cracks
In the passenger window and both seat backs.
And the siren is making a howling sound,
Like a deaf and blind basset hound.
The mirror is broken and the radio's fryed.
There's two large dents on the driver's side.
It's a waste of time to shut the trunk,
'Cause it just pops open when I hit a bump.
It pulls to the left; the suspension squeeks;
The antenna is bent and the oil pan leaks.
The bumper is crooked; the paint is a mess;
How long will it last? I can't even guess.
Why don't I buy a new cruiser, you ask?
Since this one's life is about to pass?
It's clear that its usefulness has expired,
Like ol' Burton Ernie, the car should be "re-tired."
But I can't seem to part with the grand old girl,
Though driving her makes my head swirl.
Like a onery wife I can't divorce,
You'll have to take my beloved cruiser by force.
Committee Schamittee
It's always most unsettlin'
To endure a committee's meddlin'.
If you want to get nothin' done
All it takes is more than one.
Government of the People
Honest Abe in his famous Gettysburg address,
suggested that government run by governors
always ends up a mess.
Of, by and for the people, that was Abe's idea.
Anything more is bureaucratic diarrhea.
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